Writings

TROFF by Mark Sheeky Cast JEFF BRUCELIGHTNER BOX BRIDGES DAVID WARNER ROM BIT CLIVE SINCLAIR BILL GATES TEDDY GIANT COMMAND PROGRAM DRAGON 32 SCENE 1. INT. PROGRAMMERS CUBICLE - EVENING. BOX BRIDGES (to self) Dah! Stupid thing. JEFF BRUCELIGHTNER What's up Box? BOX BRIDGES Oh Hi Jeff. Hey, have you got that money you owe me yet? JEFF BRUCELIGHTNER Erm, yeah, I'll have it for you at the weekend. What are you busy doing? BOX BRIDGES I'm trying to compile my new trace program but the giant command program won't let me. I tried writing a program to calculate the value of PI but it wasn't enough to keep it distracted. I think I'll play a few rounds of impact velocity. The strain on the graphics F.P.U. might just swing it. JEFF BRUCELIGHTNER Cool. I'm off to see the boss, he wants me to make some modifications to that anti-hacker code I invented. See you later. BOX BRIDGES Bye. Okay impact velocity, prepare to meet your match. SCENE 2. GAME [5 levels] SCENE 3. INT. PROGRAMMERS CUBICLE - EVENING. JEFF BRUCELIGHTNER Hey Box! BOX BRIDGES You startled me. JEFF BRUCELIGHTNER The boss wants to see you right away. BOX BRIDGES David Warner wants to see me? I wonder what that's all about. SCENE 4. INT. DAVID WARNERS OFFICE - EVENING. DAVID WARNER I hear you like playing computer games in company time. BOX BRIDGES No... well... Mr Warner, I've got a new trace program running and I needed to keep the mainframe occupied while it ran. DAVID WARNER A new program? Part of the Giant Command Program? BOX BRIDGES No it works independently. DAVID WARNER The giant command program won't permit that! BOX BRIDGES IT won't permit it? But it's only a computer program. DAVID WARNER (showing robot hand) Oh no, it's much more that that. BOX BRIDGES Oh my God! A robot hand! You're part of the G.C.P! DAVID WARNER (shooting energy) And soon you will be too... BOX BRIDGES (zapped) Aagh. CUT TO... SCENE 5. EXT. DIGITAL SPACE. GIANT COMMAND PROGRAM Welcome to the game grid, user. Let's see how you play impact velocity for real. SCENE 6. GAME [1 level] SCENE 7. INT. BOX'S POD. BOX BRIDGES Hey I get the idea. It's just like the arcades back home. GIANT COMMAND PROGRAM I'm having fun watching you Mr Bridges. Let's start things nice and easy. SCENE 8. GAME [5 levels] SCENE 9. INT. DIGITAL SPACE - EVENING. BOX BRIDGES This is no problem G.C.P! GIANT COMMAND PROGRAM You forget that there is no way out Mr Bridges. We play until you die, and we are only just beginning. Let's see how you cope with falling blocks. SCENE 10. GAME [2 levels with falling bricks] SCENE 11. INT. BOX'S POD. BOX BRIDGES Hey who are you? BIT One. BOX BRIDGES What do you mean one? BIT One. BOX BRIDGES Oh I get it your a bit, right? BIT One. BOX BRIDGES How do you like this game so far? BIT Zero. GIANT COMMAND PROGRAM You're losing concentration Mr Bridges. Let's see how you handle my data balls. SCENE 12. GAME [5 levels with balls] SCENE 13. INT. BOX'S POD. GIANT COMMAND PROGRAM Your skills impress even me. These pickups should make your death more interesting to watch. BOX BRIDGES Keep them coming G.C.P. I've beaten harder games than you. BIT One! SCENE 14. GAME [10 levels with pickups] SCENE 15. INT. BOX'S POD. GIANT COMMAND PROGRAM Now let's make this a team effort. ROM FALLS TO FLOOR (ugh) BOX BRIDGES Hey. Who are you? ROM I'm Rom. What's going on here? BOX BRIDGES This is the game grid. Get seated in that top pod and just follow my commands. GIANT COMMAND PROGRAM It's not that easy Mr Bridges, Rom's pod will have reverse controls. ROM I don't like that idea. GIANT COMMAND PROGRAM This is fun, two deaths for the price of one. SCENE 16. GAME [5 levels with 2 players] SCENE 17. INT. ROM'S POD. ROM (Whispered) Box, the next level has a weak spot. Let's see if we can break out of this death trap. SCENE 18. GAME [1 level] SCENE 19. INT. BOX'S POD. BOX BRIDGES Woo hoo we've done it! We're inside the circuits of the giant control program. GIANT COMMAND PROGRAM You cannot escape. My back door has more firewalls and security protocols than any other computer in history. Surrender at once. In terms of intelligence, only the Dragon 32 came close. SCENE 20. INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY. DRAGON 32 (printed on screen) I think therefore I am. SCENE 21. GAME [more levels] SCENE 22. INT. ROM'S POD. ROM Agh. I've been hit. Vital fluids leaking... data fragmenting... I wish I'd backed myself up more often. BOX BRIDGES Relax you're not going to die... you'll be fine. ROM? Can you hear me? He's dead isn't he. BIT One. GIANT COMMAND PROGRAM (evil laugh). BOX BRIDGES You'll pay for this G.C.P. SCENE 23. GAME [more levels, one player lots of features] SCENE 24. INT. BOX'S POD. GIANT COMMAND PROGRAM I sense your imminent death, Box. You are about to enter my anti-virus nexus. BOX BRIDGES Bring it on! SCENE 25. GAME [alien levels ending in guardian] SCENE 26. INT. DAVID WARNERS OFFICE - EVENING. DAVID WARNER Giant command, what's the problem? My computer keeps crashing, and my arm hurts. GIANT COMMAND PROGRAM (on screen) Sorry Mr Warner. Box Bridges is giving me trouble. DAVID WARNER I'll see if I can help. I'll get one of the programmers here to put up a few barriers. JEFF BRUCELIGHTNER (from terminal in corner) I'd be pleased to help Mr Warner sir. SCENE 27. INT. BOX'S POD. BOX BRIDGES Hmmm, looks like were entering some sort of fragmented space here. SCENE 28. GAME [random levels, fully featured] SCENE 29. INT. BOX'S POD. GIANT COMMAND PROGRAM You have taken up too many of my cycles Mr Bridges. My new and improved firewall system is about to come online. BOX BRIDGES This is more difficult than I'd hoped for. Bit, is there some sort of rebel alliance of rogue programs in this computer system? BIT One. BOX BRIDGES I'm glad you didn't have to explain that. Get them on the radio. I think I'm going to need them soon. BIT One. SCENE 30. GAME [1 level with deadly fire gaps] SCENE 31. INT. BOX'S POD. BIT One One One One One! TEDDY (on radio) Hello box! This is Teddy, the failed 1980's game character. BILL GATES (on radio) This is the real Bill Gates. I was digitised in the late 1970's and in a freak accident the electronic me entered the real world, and I've been stuck in here ever since. CLIVE SINCLAIR (on radio) This is Clive Sinclair. I've always lived inside a computer. Ready to rock and roll! BOX BRIDGES Glad to have you on board. Now suit up. GIANT COMMAND PROGRAM Those 8-bit nobodys can't save you. Prepare to die! SCENE 32. GAME [levels with 4 players.. start with a slow ball] SCENE 33. INT. DAVID WARNERS OFFICE - EVENING. GIANT COMMAND PROGRAM Box Bridges is getting close to my kernal files. DAVID WARNER No problem G.C.P. I've got everything under control. BOX BRIDGES We can catch anything you can throw. DAVID WARNER Very impressive Box, but you're forgetting that here in the real world I can delete any programs I want. (to Jeff) Mr Brucelightener, delete the rebel scum. JEFF BRUCELIGHTNER Yes sir. REBELS (together) No..! BOX BRIDGES Jeff!? How could you? JEFF BRUCELIGHTNER We were destined to collide Box. I'm on the way up, and you're on the way down. BOX BRIDGES You can't delete me that way, I'm a user. JEFF BRUCELIGHTNER But I can turn up the speed... SCENE 34. GAME [more levels... faster] SCENE 35. INT. BOX'S POD. BOX BRIDGES This is it bit, were right near the CPU core. BIT One. SCENE 36. INT. DAVID WARNERS OFFICE - EVENING. GIANT COMMAND PROGRAM Help me David. Take all of my power. DAVID WARNER Agh! (glows... pause) Yesss. I feel it. Now Mr Bridges I shall destroy you personally. Open a portal G.C.P. I'm coming in. Oh and Jeff, give me infinite lives. Having one life is sooo tedious. SCENE 37. GAME [some pong levels one on one... all of which David wins] SCENE 38. INT. DAVID WARNERS OFFICE - EVENING. CLIVE SINCLAIR Hold it Jeff, this is Clive Sinclair. My deletion merely put me back in the real world. JEFF BRUCELIGHTNER Oh Crumbs! CLIVE SINCLAIR PUNCHES JEFF (whack!) JEFF BRUCELIGHTNER REELS, UNCONSCIOUS (ugh) CLIVE SINCLAIR Now that he's gone let's make this fight a little fairer. One life ought to do it. SCENE 39. DAVID WARNER'S POD. DAVID WARNER Curse you Clive Sinclair! I can't control my lives but I can control this world. Let's see what you're really made of Box Bridges. This time only one of us walks away. SCENE 40. GAME [one fast pong level] SCENE 41. INT. DAVID WARNERS OFFICE - EVENING. BOX BRIDGES Hey, what happened!? I'm back in the office. CLIVE SINCLAIR (plug in hand) That was down to me. I pulled the plug on the G.C.P. CLIVE SINCLAIR (plugging in) Watch. BOX BRIDGES Oh, you turned him off and on again. Why didn't I think of that? GIANT COMMAND PROGRAM (powers up) How about a nice game of chess? BOX BRIDGES That's much more civilised. BIT One! END OF GAME

Copyright © 24 Feb 2005 by Mark Sheeky